Rosy Doesn’t Live Here Anymore

You may have read my earlier posts about my struggles in my relationship (or non-relationship) with my mother. Nothing has changed.

Social Distancing has ironically made it easier to cope in some ways: I was not able to visit and, as bad as that might make me out to be, I found that this was a relief. If I didn’t have to meet her, there would be no friction.

I had called on my father’s birthday, and I sent bread hampers over the weeks; bakeries in their neighbourhood are shut.

I called again today to check in. Not even my father (he goes along with my mother to get along) had contacted me to say anything about receiving the hamper – I don’t need thanks, just acknowledgement that the food had arrived so I could follow up with the delivery folks, if necessary.

My aunt informed me that my mother had ranted and raged upon the receiving the first hamper. She snarked about my sending food for only my aunt and father and refused to touch any because it was not for her. My aunt even had to stop her from giving everything to the neighbours.

The amount of food should have made it clear it was for everyone but I had forgotten about the narcissist’s martyr complex. I had allowed myself to overlook her cruel tongue. And I had deluded myself, once again, into thinking I should care.

My aunt also informed me that my mother has prepared 3 letters to be sent to my father’s relatives, each one detailing my multitude of sins. And she has had her lawyer draw up a new will in which I would get nothing.

Like it matters. I don’t want things. What I want is some measure of civility so that my own family doesn’t have to witness this acrimony. What I want is a regular mom. What I want is a dad who can support me. What I want is a situation where just sending bread doesn’t have to unleash another cycle of cruel words.

So, tonight, I finally broke down.

Tonight, I accepted that I am going to have to stand on my own, and stand up for myself. I am an unwanted child who has had her reputation smeared to anyone with hearing abilities; even my father has not denied that when my mother visits relatives, she speaks ill of me.

If even sending food because I cannot visit (not that I would have wanted to visit) is a problem, then either I am truly abhorrent to my mother or I am the stupidest person alive to continue to delude myself that being filial matters, and to believe that I have parents.

RDP ~ Rosy Hues

11 thoughts on “Rosy Doesn’t Live Here Anymore

  1. It’s a shame you have such cruelty from your parents. I do think moving on might be best for your sanity and general well-being. You aren’t alone in not being able to turn to your parents for love and acceptance. Do something nice for yourself today!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I’m feeling sorry for your predicament, as there is no easy answer, but the best and kindest thing you could do is just cut the ties period, especially if the relative is perhaps bipolar as well as narcissistic personality disorder? Bipolar people thrive on drama, if there isn’t any, then they create it, and black is always white and vice versa….is it worth it to have to walk on eggshells around people like that? Not in my opinion, but you must do what’s best for you. Be kind to yourself above all, and be grateful you’re not like that.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much for responding. My mind knows to walk away is best, but the current situation made me worry whether things were ok in that household and I reached out. Clearly, it was not my best decision. I am working on strengthening my spine and clearing my head, and putting myself and my own family first. Thank you, and bless you.

      Liked by 1 person

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