You may have read my earlier posts about my struggles in my relationship (or non-relationship) with my mother. Nothing has changed.
Social Distancing has ironically made it easier to cope in some ways: I was not able to visit and, as bad as that might make me out to be, I found that this was a relief. Afterall, if I didn’t have to meet her, there would be no friction.
I made sure to call on my father’s birthday, and I sent bread or food hampers over the lockdown weeks since the bakeries in their neighbourhood were shut. I called to check that things were well.
Guess what? Not even my father (he goes along with my mother to get along) contacted me to say anything about receiving any hamper – just to be clear I don’t need thanks, just an acknowledgement that the food had arrived so I could follow up with the delivery folks, if necessary.
My aunt has since informed me that my mother had ranted and raged upon the receiving the first hamper. She snarked about my sending food for only my aunt and father and refused to touch any because nothing was meant for her. My aunt even had to stop her from giving the second hamper to her neighbours.
The amount of food should have made it clear it was for everyone but I had forgotten about the narcissist’s martyr complex. I had allowed myself to overlook her cruel tongue. And I had deluded myself, once again, into thinking I should care.
My aunt also informed me that my mother has prepared 3 letters to be sent to my father’s relatives, each one detailing my multitude of sins. And she has had her lawyer draw up a new will in which I would get nothing.
Like it matters. I don’t want things. What I want is some measure of civility so that my own family doesn’t have to witness this acrimony. What I want is a regular mom. What I want is a dad who can support me. What I want is a situation where sending bread shouldn’t unleash another cycle of cruel words.
So, tonight, I finally broke down.
Tonight, I accepted that I am going to have to stand on my own, and stand up for myself. I am an unwanted child who has had her reputation smeared to anyone with hearing abilities; even my father has not denied that when my mother visits relatives, she speaks ill of me.
If even sending food because I cannot visit (not that I would have wanted to visit) is a problem, then either I am truly abhorrent to my mother or I am the stupidest person alive to continue to delude myself that being filial matters, and to believe that I have parents.
RDP ~ Rosy Hues
1kindness2day 
So sorry. Since you can’t change them, I hope you are able to change how it affects you. It can’t be easy.
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Thank you.
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It’s a shame you have such cruelty from your parents. I do think moving on might be best for your sanity and general well-being. You aren’t alone in not being able to turn to your parents for love and acceptance. Do something nice for yourself today!
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I am so grateful for your kind words. Yes, I am going to move on; I will have some angst as I shed baggage along the way but it will be done. 💕
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🤗
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Bless you, and take care of yourself.
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I’m feeling sorry for your predicament, as there is no easy answer, but the best and kindest thing you could do is just cut the ties period, especially if the relative is perhaps bipolar as well as narcissistic personality disorder? Bipolar people thrive on drama, if there isn’t any, then they create it, and black is always white and vice versa….is it worth it to have to walk on eggshells around people like that? Not in my opinion, but you must do what’s best for you. Be kind to yourself above all, and be grateful you’re not like that.
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Thank you so much for responding. My mind knows to walk away is best, but the current situation made me worry whether things were ok in that household and I reached out. Clearly, it was not my best decision. I am working on strengthening my spine and clearing my head, and putting myself and my own family first. Thank you, and bless you.
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It is heartbreaking when we do not receive unconditional love from our parents.
But it is not your fault…so be good to yourself and take care.
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Thank you so much. I appreciate your kind words deeply.
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You are welcome.
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The sins of many parents. I’m sorry you are going through this. For the longest I too thought my mom does not like me. Treats me different from my siblings. We just began to develop a relationship and I could feel the happiness in her voice when I speak to her. As for some parents, as a child you could do all you want and their own personal issues will not let them embrace you. Don’t see your effort towards taking care of them such as sending food as a wasted effort but as a measure of the true human nature that is embedded in you which is love. Love her regardless. The bible says, “Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers a multitudes of sins”. You might not be able to reach them but at least you are doing your part 🤗
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Thank you so very much. I am moving forward with my own life, and learning to tune out her voice and her actions. Not easy to walk away from a parent but I think my own family comes first. Bless you.
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